Into the Wild...Let the Hunt Begin #9

Nervous...

So a lot has happened in just a week. I received a call from the school I had a phone interview with and they wanted to bring me to campus. We'll call them School A. They wanted me in quick--we scheduled for two days after the request. They apologized for the short notice, but really wanted to get the candidates in asap. It wasn't an all-day affair, which was a little disappointing because I had to give myself a tour around campus and didn't get the chance to talk to students about the school. But for two hours I sat through interviews with the search committee and the deans and VPs. Everyone was so nice and it seems like a great job. But I as hopped in my car, the pride that came from the feeling that I made a great impression began to fade. Driving away from campus, I couldn't put my finger on it, but I didn't feel like my search was now over. If the school were to call me and offer me the position, I didn't know if I would accept. That made me nervous. What was holding me back?

The position? Great! The people? Friendly! The campus? Beautiful! The administration? Well, I didn't get to meet many of them, but those who I met were great and spoke highly of the vision of the president. It seems like an exciting time to be a part of the community. So, again, what was holding me back?

As I drove the few hours back to my home, I kept reflecting. I thought about my Top 5 Needs--one of which is to live in an environment that is suburban and natural. Immediately my gut tightened and I realized that was it. The school is not located in a particularly safe area and the off-campus living environment does not match my interests and lifestyle. I arrived home and went straight to my office to talk to my coworkers and supervisor. They picked up on my hesitation and pulled things out of what I was saying. Ultimately, they helped me realize that my hesitation was due to the fact that, while I may love the job, I would not love living there. If I can't go home at night and feel comfortable and happy, then I won't enjoy the job. Going back to the advice a once new-time professional said: It's still your LIFE.

Another sign came when I was asked for a phone interview with a school that was one of my top choices when I was applying for jobs a month or two ago. We'll call them School B. The more research I do on the job, the school, and the staff, the more I fall in the love with it. On top of all that, it's in a location that, for years, I have said I would eventually love to settle down in. It's my kind of area, my kind of people, my kind of climate, my kind of lifestyle. When my supervisor heard this she put me to the test: "Don't think, just answer: If School A and School B have equally great positions and both want you, which would you choose?" My answer? Without hesitation, "School B."

When my supervisor asked why I thought I said School B so quickly, I began to beam as I talked about the school and the surrounding town. She looked to my coworker and said, "Look at her face. Can you see the difference?" My coworker laughed. Apparently I know what I want, but I just need other people to point it out for me.

That's the advice I have for you, readers. If you are confused or unsure, talk to someone about it--someone in the field who has counseling knowledge and can really hear what you're saying. For example, I can't talk to my mother about my confusion because she's so concerned that I just find a job that pays me well so I don't have to worry about my next meal. But student affairs professionals get it and will listen to you. So calm down, nerves. Don't let anyone convince you that you belong somewhere. Just talk it out and have them reflect the meaning of your words. Ultimately you need to go to the place where you feel comfortable. School B is where I would feel comfortable... I just hope I get the opportunity to visit campus.

I still check available jobs to see if anything lives up to School B, but it's a hard school to top. That, alone, speaks volumes and I need to listen to that.