Real World: Job Search #16

The Hardest Parts…

The semester is winding down. It’s May. Graduation is right around the corner. So is moving. So is leaving. I’ve never been really excited about change. I suppose I cope with it well enough; if I can envision the changes, it usually helps. But it’s not something that is terribly enthusing. The problem is that there are some many intangibles—so many uncertainties—right now and I can’t picture the future. So to have to deal with a whole bunch of changes at once—this is going to be overwhelming.

As I’m sitting in the apartment where I’ve lived for the last two years, surrounded by boxes, my walls bare for the first time since I’ve moved in, preparing for the big move—it hits me: I’m not READY for the big move. I like this apartment. It’s home. Even the blue carpet and the green tile. It’s tacky, but it’s comfortable and familiar. I don’t know where I’m living yet, what my new apartment will look like, or how I’m going to decorate the space. The uncertainty is causing mild anxiety.

But it’s the thought of leaving behind the people that leaves me absolutely breathless, on the verge of tears every time I think about it. I’m so excited about my new job, and I absolutely cannot wait to start it—but if I could take everyone with me to my new job, well, I’d just be the happiest girl in the world. My students are absolutely amazing and I’m so thankful that I’ve had the opportunity to work with such a phenomenal, motivated, and dedicated group of students. Many of them have broken through the barrier of the advisor-adivsee relationship and have become my friend. Some of them will be graduating with me, but I will leave others behind. It’s times like these that you hope the lessons you’ve taught make a difference.

The thing about friends, though, is that if you find a really great group of people, they become your family away from home. There’s a quote I found that just so perfectly sums up the friendships I’ve made:

“Your college friends become a kind of family. You eat together, go to games, laugh fight, cry, and do absolutely nothing together—until you can’t seem to remember how you ever lived your life without them in the first place.” These are the relationships I will treasure. I don’t know what I would have done with out them—and I don’t know what I’m going to do without them right there when I need them.

And now that I’ve become way too emotional, it’s time for me to get back to studying. Just a few finals and a paper to go before I get that diploma. It’s going to be so bittersweet.